Vegan? What’s up with that?

Why the Sam Hell would anyone want to be a vegan? I recently came across someone who ordered lunch and commented she was a vegan. I wasn’t sure what exactly what that is or what levels of veganism there are, so the question was asked what she couldn’t have. No meat of course, no milk, no cheese, etc. O.K. I thought, that leaves dirt, wood, plastic, or a wide variety of things that are under my car seat that I am sure are not listed on the element chart.

I looked it up and vegans don’t eat anything with a face or any products from them especially ones kept on a farm. So now the list gets smaller. No honey, no leather, no wool, no silk and the list goes on. Unbelievable! God created Adam and Eve and said stay away from one tree, not; don’t eat anything with a face.

What are the byproducts going to do to you? I happen to have sheep on my farm and they are the most spoiled animals you could imagine. They don’t do anything all day except eat, walk around a pasture, and sleep. What is a silk worm going to do without an avenue to express creativity? There are going to be long lines of unemployed worms, bees, sheep and a host of animals that love to do what they do.

If you have to think about animal’s faces, look at it this way. Lions chase down zebras from behind, to avoid eye contact. Tigers always get you from behind, why? So they don’t have to see your eyes bulge and hear you scream “Ah, shit!” Just eat your hamburger from behind, enjoy your steak by running after it and pouncing on it. Or I got another idea; Sharks close their eyes just as they clamp down on your sorry ass, why? Probably not to get blood stinging their eyes but it could be so they won’t have to see you. So enjoy the hot dog or beef sandwich with your eyes closed. Think of it as juicy tofu and seaweed sandwich.

Come to think of it, I was getting inspired one day at a Pow-Wow when I talked to someone about creation and feelings and it was brought up that plants, even without a nervous system, talk to each other. They follow the sun to get energy and send off pollens and communicate in ways we don’t. These vegans are munching on a plethora of little helpless creatures that can’t even run away. Alfalfa and bean sprouts by the millions are getting hunted and devoured by cruel vegans. Beets and carrots are being ripped from the earth, naked and humiliated by the billions to satisfy some deranged yuppie, vegetarian…Holy Crap! It’s even in their name.

See what I mean, to everyone: Let’s eat everything in the same manner and not be so dam righteous about this or that. That’s why it all was created in the first place. If you don’t eat something it should be that you don’t like the taste or it’s slimy or your brother forced it down your throat as a kid and the son of a….sorry that’s a story for a later time.

You Ate What?

I might be getting sick. I didn’t bring enough lunch to work today so I went fishing. By fishing I mean looking for a lunch I brought before but didn’t eat. I got lucky and found two turkey brats in stir-fried vegetables and an apple all wrapped up in plastic shopping bag. The vegetables were brown and gooey but the brats looked good. After eating the apple, which wasn’t too bad I thought I could probably save the brats. I know bad vegetables when I see them so I tossed those things out right away. I ain’t no idiot. I wasn’t going to eat no brown gooey vegetables. The brats, however, those things looked like they could be saved. I wash off the brats and heated them in the microwave.  They were only a month old so how bad could they have gotten? The apple was good so why wouldn’t the brats be good?

The brats tasted pretty good. I didn’t realize that maybe I was doing something harmful until I told the guy next to me about it. His response was, “I ate some awful stuff when I was Iraq in some pretty desperate situations and I wouldn’t eat that right now.”

I have a stomach that would put a goat to shame so I’m not worried about the consequences of my actions. Besides, you should have seen the stuff I used to eat on the road when the band was just starting out. I don’t want to gross out anyone but, let’s just say, there was no such thing as spoiled road kill in the early days. I think I’ll be just fine. If something happens I’ll be sure to let you know.

Pavel

Brain Freeze

Sometimes after writing for years you just don’t have it one day. Today is my day. A mental fart, a flat tire on the left side of my brain, a closed gate in the pasture of intelligence. Who know why, no inspiration, no good or bad in my life, complacency, too comfortable? I make feelings come out in music and words. Today, I have none.

 

I wrapped up a tune about a month ago called lipstick on my microphone which is sure to be a top 1000 hit. After that, I just had a mental melt down. I even tried to write a blog today and cant. All I got was mumbled mess of syllables and sounds that wouldn’t even be considered a sentence if a chimpanzee said it. Most of our initial songs came from the life and times of growing up in the streets, eating cabbage to often, travels and especially meeting the peoples of the world and seeing that God made smart ones and very, very dumb ones. We’ve met most of those. Now I need more.

 

I think I will go out and see if anything can inspire me. Perhaps a rollercoaster that I loosened a wheel on, going through a drive through on my horse or cashing a royalty check and asking for it in nickels… dirty ones.

 

I shouldn’t feel so bad, lot of bands have one hit wonders and you never hear from them again. Kung Fu Fighting and Carl Douglass was gone. S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y and the Bay City Rollers and now making fries, and don’t forget the Bee-Gees who never wrote a good song but some moron still put out their crap.

 

I just need a feeling

I just need some time

To say what is not even in my mind

To make you hear words that aren’t there

For things that are missing.

 

 

Hmm, well I probably wouldn’t know a good tune if it bit me in the ass…..hey wait a minute! Put an umpah beat to that and I got something. I’m a genius, shear genius.

 

Well folks, don’t worry, I’m back, now if I could work on doing a good blog.

 

 

Pee, Cazek

Company Schwag

Like successful Polka Rock bands, companies have to be careful to ensure that the Schwag doesn’t walk away. These items are used to advertise the company at conventions and shows. Here at GPATRN we have hundreds of concert shirt disappear every time we go out on the road so we understand this problem.

The company I work with has found the answer to this dilemma. They make their marketing materials so ugly and or annoying; the people working at the company would never want it. Take a look at this orange shirt below. Who in their right mind would want to wear this thing around? It screams “I want to be a crossing guard.” I remember being a patrol boy in grade school. I swear that orange is the same color of the patrol belts I used to wear in grade school.

The other schwag item no one would ever want is a monkey with a cape on its back. So what’s so annoying about a monkey with a cape; nothing, unless you squeeze it. When you squeeze the monkey it makes a very shrill screeching sound. It sounds like a stuck pig. The guys in the officer were throwing it around for about 5 minutes the other day. They didn’t stop until I stabbed it. They got the message.

So all you marketing directors worried about your company schwag walking away, take note, if the company schwage is so ugly and/or annoying, the people in your company won’t want it.

Pavel

What’s in a name?

What’s in a name?

 

Everyone always asks were did the name Guy Pulaski and the Roaming Nomads come from? Well it’s a long story that I will get into later. Now I want to bring up other band names. All in all, most names are very fitting to the music, style or even a weird message, for example;

 

Jethro Tull was a 18^th century botanist that the band wanted to, in a weird way, portray their nature, mythical, minstrel like personality to their audience, not to mention to all the pot heads.

 

The Eagles is a good name for a California based country rock band (even though none of the members are from California) that sing about free and easy, life in the fast lane, and hotels.

 

Led Zeppelin is the perfect oxy-moron names that is contradictory yet states that an impossible thing can be overcome and made into the best.

 

Now there are some names that I personally don’t like but it may be because of the people in it.

 

U-2 is suppose to be a slam on being watched by ‘the man’ in their spy planes while the pretentious Bono owns half of fleet of planes now, and he wants us to donate a quarter a day to help some kid in El Salvador while he wipes his ass in $100 bills. Don’t get me wrong, I love the music, I just don’t want one simple band name to be a political statement.

 

System of the Down, come on now, that’s just a retarded name.

 

Matchbox 20…WTF!!!

 

Go to your local entertainment newspaper now and you’ll get a hundred names from the wacky, Monkey lips to the avant-garde The Eyebrows. You have to be the judge yourself and also go out and see these groups; don’t be afraid to tell them, “great music! stupid name!”

 

Now for Guy Pulaski and the Roaming Nomads; well it all start back in Weilepole….Word press has stopped this article at this point due to graphic violence, absurd activities, questionable verbiage and immoral animal stories. We will resume at a more decent section.

 

And that is how the band came up with its name. Cool huh?

 

Peas…Caz

Youth is Wasted on the Young

A while back I was having dinner with a friend of mine. We were talking but couldn’t help but over hear a conversation with the young couple next to us. They were obviously college kids, and young college kids. I think they were freshman or sophomores.

The guy is obviously trying to impress the girl because he’s talking about what great shape he’s in.  The look on her face was one of boredom. This didn’t inhibit his long but not really well thought out speech. The young man moved from how much he’s been working out and running to how much he weighs. This is where the conversation went downhill really fast.

He said to the young woman “I weigh almost as much as I did two years ago. Actually I should only weigh about 5 or 10 pounds more than you.”

My friend and I looked at each other with and I said, “Did he just say what I thought he said?”

My fiend said “yep.”

That’s right folks, he’s talking to a pretty slim young woman who obviously is proud her looks and this dim wit says to here, “I should only weigh about 5 or 10 pounds more than you.” About a millisecond after he said this, her faced changed, her body language changed and the mood was a bit more sullen.

Obviously he didn’t understand what he said to her was stupid because he continued on, saying how fit he was and that he’s in great shape and want to start lifting more and how she’s in good shape and again came told her he should only be about 10 pounds more than her and on and on he went. It was kind of painful to see.

My buddy and I left before they did. He was still gabbing about his new found fitness. As my friend and I walked home I said to him, “And that is why that guy is still a virgin.”

I was never smooth with the ladies and have my share of stupid things I’ve said to women so I really can’t say I’m any better than this guy was, however, being on the road fight off the groupies has educated me on how to talk to women. And guess what, I still don’t know what I’m doing. I would like to think that I know how to talk to women but like all men, I’m wrong. Every time I think I have an idea, I’m wrong. At least I’ve learned through trial and error what not to say. I’m still learning that list is bigger than I’ll ever know.

So my advice to the young man would be, pay attention to what you’re saying and don’t talk about yourself, talk about her. She’ll ask you when she wants to talk about you. And never, no matter what size the woman is, say, I should only weigh about 10 pounds more than you.

Pavel

Why I Live Here

Ever so often I talk to friends of mine who wonder why I don’t move back to Illinois. I try to explain i to them in words but I always fall short. So ever now and then I have to send them one of these.

This is a picture of my walk to work. A half hour bus ride and and two minute walk. I get to run, play basketball, go to Jiu Jitsu or swim in a creak during lunch.

So why do I live here; see above.

Pavel

Lennen for Charity

I went to a John Lennon art show last weekend. I really didn’t know what to expect. The advertisement said it was a free show however, there was a chubby, balding, red-headed guy sternly saying, “It’s free but DONATIONS are appreciated.” I slipped two bucks into the Plexiglas cube. It’s clear so everyone in line can see how much you donate. It ensures no one cheats.

Inside you find exactly what you would expect, tons of art done by John Lennon. We all know that Lennon’s media wasn’t sketching on paper so the art wasn’t presented like he was famous for drawing; it is presented as charity work. It’s not very complicated which is a bonus, but is a bit too simple at times. It definitely has its own style. There’s a consistency from one drawing to the next.

I don’t know if I got the good feelings from the art or from the legend of the man who created it. Either way, the experience was a good one. Just when I getting into a good mood as I read about John’s struggle with himself, a salesman steps up and starts talking me about the picture I’m looking at. What this particular salesman was doing was trying to increase the homey feeling I was getting by telling me some tidbit about the picture like “John drew that to make his sun laugh.” Then he would tell you more about the picture until it became more than obvious that he was annoying me. This happened more than once.

These pictures are like 500 to 5000 dollars. Do I look like a guy who buys any other art than band posters? I don’t think so. Yet this guy kept stopping by to tell me something about the drawing I was looking at. What’s with that?

All of the proceeds from the sales go to help some local artist thing. So even though it was a bit high pressure on the sales, it was good experience.

Pavel

GPTRN Fans Are The Best

I get emails, letters, photos of a questionable nature, and even gifts all the time; it’s just part of being polka star. I’ve learned to deal with it over the years. I keep my ego in check by reminding myself that if I wasn’t a world renowned polka star, these people wouldn’t care who I am.

Sometimes you get an email or letter from a fan that just needs to be shared. The email I’m talking about started out normal, the usual thank you for making a unique sound; you’re the best band on the planet kind of thing. Then the email takes a turn. Here’s a sample of what I’m talking about.

“There is a Pulaski Park in Cherry Creek and I thought about spray painting “Guy” in front of it and then sending it to you, but I thought I might seem like an overly obsessive fan. I’m not obsessive, I just really dig your music. Like I play it in my car, on my home stereo, on my computer, on my iPod, in the gym, at the grocery store, and sometimes when I’m at the mall, I might, just might insist they play your greatest hits over the intercom. By insist, I mean with my persuasive demeanor, and a sawed-off shotgun. It’s very effective. So what if “society” labels you “crazy”? Some people chop up hookers and put them in their freezers…. I don’t judge.”

At this point, I start to say to myself, now this person needs help. They need help rising to top of the GPTRN fan club. It is this kind of enthusiasm that gets things done. I may even contact this person to see she is interesting in helping manage the band. Imagine the type of contract riders we would get with this kind of energy behind us.

All I can say is keep up the good work GPTRN fans. We love you all.

Pavel

Am I getting Dumber?

I got this iPhone thing because it operates as an MP3 player and a phone. This was very exciting for me. I could have more music with me than I could ever want to listen to. What a great idea. The problem is, I’m not very familiar with Apple’s applications because I’ve worked in a Window’s environment for that last 15 years. This is where the old guy disease comes into play.

The application used to sync the iPhone with your computer is iTunes. In the Windows world the application is called Microsoft sync. iTunes is also an MP3 player. So when I loaded songs onto my phone, I naturally thought I would use iTunes to play the songs. After all, that’s what I use on my computer.

So there I am, initiated iTunes time after time and only getting the web site for iTunes. I’m thinking to myself, how do I play songs on the iPhone? iTunes is not helping and I don’t know what to do. Being logical I’m think that maybe I have to plug in the ear buds to activate the MP3 player. Nope, that didn’t work. I search the web site for clues and find nothing. I’m lost. I’m almost ready to go into the Apple and store and ask for help.

Then, out of nowhere I notice at the bottom of the phone, in the spot that contains the 4 icons that are always present on the interface, an icon that says iPod. “Hmm,” I think to myself, “Could this be the way to play MP3s?”

Of course it is. I was about 10 minutes away from going into the Apple store and making a complete fool out myself.

The worst thing about this story is that I work in the tech business. I’ve been around people with iPods and iPhones for a long time. This begs the question; do people get dumber as they get older? Am I not able to figure out these new fangled tech products anymore?